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Why not break some bread and perhaps patch up our differences?
Si
Pinki Fallon – 1/7/00, 11:39am
to: Simon Horne
cc:
re: lunch
Sorry, Simon, but I’ve made other arrangements. Catch me this afternoon sometime . . .
Liam O’Keefe – 1/7/00, 11:53am
to: Lorraine Pallister
cc:
re: lunch
I was fucking amazing this morning. Mako love me. Worship me at lunch.
Lorraine Pallister – 1/7/00, 11:58am
to: Liam O’Keefe
cc:
re: lunch
Can’t. Shopping. You keep losing my knickers. Need more.
Liam O’Keefe – 1/7/00, 12:03pm
to: Katie Philpott
cc:
re: lunch
Fancy lunch then? You can take me through those goosebumps one by one.
Katie Philpott – 1/7/00, 12:06pm
to: Liam O’Keefe
cc:
re: lunch
Gosh, what an honour! Love to. – Katie P
Simon Horne – 1/7/00, 12:10pm
to: Katie Philpott
cc:
re: lunch
It was invigorating to make your acquaintance in the Mako meeting today.
You are a breath of fresh air of the Alpine variety.
Your positivity and enthusiasm are just what this jaded old company needs.
Perhaps we can do a little inter-departmental bonding.
Why not start with lunch?
Si
Katie Philpott – 1/7/00, 12:13pm
to: Simon Horne
cc:
re: lunch
Wow, little old me invited to lunch by one of advertising’s “living legends”! I’d really, really love to but I’m afraid I’m busy. Maybe some other time? Katie P
Simon Horne – 1/7/00, 12:19pm
to: Susi Judge-Davis
cc:
re: lunch
I am snowed under here. There is no way I will be able to escape for lunch.
Could you be a treasure and pop out for a sandwich around 1:00?
Parma Ham, Mozzarella and a drizzle of olive oil on Focaccia would be perfect.
pertti_vanhelden@millershanks-helsinki.co.fi 1/7/00, 12:26pm (2:26pm local)
to: david_crutton@millershanks-london.co.uk
cc:
re: catchings up
I am sorry to be all quiet on the e-mailing front today but Friday morning is our weekly Reaching Out session. This is where we are gathering in circles, holding of hands and discussing frankly our “issues.” No holds are barring and everyone from the little post-room girl to Top Cheese like me is speaking of their minds. Today we are overrunning because Astrid, our little post-room girl, is bringing in her puppies for us all to be sharing.
Now I am back in the land of cybernetspace and I am sorry you are losing Kimbelle. Maybe you will find that every clod has silvery linings!
You are remaining eerie silent on the Coke matter. I am appreciating that you are treading delicately with your own Creation Director and are not wishing to be hurting his feelings, but I am needing you to press “THUNDERBIRDS ARE GO!” on “Fizzy Whizzy Pop” soon. There are many grounds to be preparing!
Ee-aye-adios – Pertti
Daniel Westbrooke – 1/7/00, 12:33pm
to: Simon Horne
cc:
re: lunch
Simon, congratulations on your splendid Mako presentation. I just bumped into young Katie and she was thrilled by it all. Perhaps I could buy you lunch to celebrate your triumph. We have much to discuss. As well as the shoot there is the matter of delegating our responsibilities while we are ex patria. As respective heads of the client service and creative functions we must not leave any bases uncovered. Let me know if you are free.
Simon Horne – 1/7/00, 12:36pm
to: Daniel Westbrooke
cc:
re: lunch
I am up to my neck clearing the decks before departure.
I could manage a speedy main course, however. The Ivy suit?
Brett Topowlski – 1/7/00, 12:41 pm
to: Liam O’Keefe
cc:
re: lunch
Fancy spending your lunch hour at Mambo in Carnaby St. helping Vin and me pick out some babe-licious beachwear?* Go on, you know you want to.
Liam O’Keefe – 1/7/00, 12:47pm
to: Brett Topowlski
cc:
re: lunch
Piss off, I’m busy.*
Simon Horne – 1/7/00, 12:50pm
to: Susi Judge-Davis
cc:
re: lunch
Where the hell are you? I have 1,000,001 things I need you to sort out.
Anyway you can forget the sandwich. I am going to have to get my own lunch.
Before I starve to death.
Nigel Godley – 1/7/00, 1:06pm
to: All Departments
cc:
re: lunch
It seems that the agency has emptied. But if anyone is working through, I’ve made too many cheese and Branston sarnies (again!). Feel free to join me for a nibble – Nige
Susi Judge-Davis – 1/7/00, 3:21 pm
to: Simon Horne
cc:
re: lunch
Darling, sorry I wasn’t around earlier but I’ve been out all morning shopping for your trip. Got everything. And I found a to-die-for pair of Versace shades! They’re so you and they were only £269. I bought them with your card. Hope you don’t mind – you won’t when you see them. I also got you T-shirts – Rage Against the Machine and Marilyn Manson. I’ve never heard of them but the man in Tower assured me they were very “in.” I also got you a “Tommy Boy” baseball cap. You’ll look so with-it! I guess you’re still out to lunch. If you get back in the next few mins, I’ve just nipped to the bank to pick up your currency . . . Sx
Katie Philpott – 1/7/00, 3:41 pm
to: Liam O’Keefe
cc:
re: thanks a mill’
Ta for lunch. It was brill! And yes, I’d love to go out on Tues. Golly, never been to a “rave” before!!! I’d better find something really jazzy to wear – Katie P
David Crutton – 1/7/00, 4:03pm
to: All Departments
cc:
re: responsibilities
As most of you know, Simon Horne and Daniel Westbrooke are both out of the office next week looking after the very important LOVE shoot. After discussion with me, they have decided to delegate their responsibilities to Pinki Fallon and Harriet Greenbaum. All creative work will go to Pinki for approval and she will deal with any related problems that arise.
Issues on account management will be handled by Harriet. In Daniel’s absence, Harriet will also take over the running of the Coke pitch. Please give them your full support, as Simon, Daniel and myself will.
I would like to end the week on a happy note by mentioning this morning’s Mako meeting. The client has just this minute phoned me to thank us and to say that it was the most professional presentation he’d ever seen. Well done to all concerned, but particularly to Harriet, Pinki and Liam O’Keefe.
Have a good weekend. Especially as, with the Coke pitch on Monday week, next weekend is cancelled.
David Crutton
CEO
David Crutton – 1/7/00, 4:07pm
to: Simon Horne
Daniel Westbrooke
cc:
re: responsibilities
By now you will have read my previous e-mail and you will not be best pleased. I would have liked to discuss these matters with you but you are nowhere to be found. (Feeding your faces or dusting off your Louis Vuittons?) If you don’t like it, tough. The Mauritian sun will ease the pain.
Melinda Sheridan – 1/7/00, 4:10pm
to: Simon Horne
Daniel Westbrooke
Vince Douglas
Brett Topowlski
; cc:
re: ready, steady, go . . .
We should take some time to ensure that all our little duckies are in a neat row before our ordeal commences tomorrow. My boudoir at 5:30? Daniel and Simon, the Sancerre is chilling. Brett and Vincent, I have Carlsberg Special.
Daniel Westbrooke – 1/7/00, 4:29pm
to: Simon Horne
cc:
re: the nightmare scenario
If you are reading this then you are back at your desk and you have seen David’s e-mails. It seems that exactly what we both feared has come to pass. I think the best thing we can both do now is to greet this fait accompli with good grace and spend our time in Mauritius planning a counterattack.
Simon Horne – 1/7/00, 4:32pm
to: Daniel Westbrooke
cc:
re: the nightmare scenario
Agreed.
Let us assume a united front.
Brett Topowlski – 1/7/00, 4:35pm
to: Liam O’Keefe
cc:
re: Surfin’ Safari
You back from lunch? Where the fuck were you? You weren’t with Lol because we bumped into her in Soho. Been a naughty boy? And if Pinki is Creative Director, are you deputy? Do we call you sir? Anyway, come and see what we bought. Vin’s got one of those cutoff surfer wetsuits. The dozy twat can’t even swim.
Simon Horne – 1/7/00, 4:37pm
to: Harriet Greenbaum
cc:
re: congrat’s due
Well done, Harriet. Now is your chance to step out of Daniel’s somewhat stifling shadow and shine.
I always knew you had it in you.
I have been a little hard on you recently.
It is merely because I know that you and I both share the same exemplary high standards.
Now rise to the challenge by taking my campaign and winning Coca-Cola.
Si
Daniel Westbrooke – 1/7/00, 4:38pm
to: David Crutton
cc:
re: responsibilities
You took the words right out of my mouth. I had pencilled time in your diary this afternoon to recommend that Harriet run things while I am unavoidably detained. I can think of no abler deputy. As for the re-ordering of the Creative Department, I believe that, too, is an excellent move. Lately Simon has seemed a little run down and below his best. I think that putting Pinki in charge could give our creative resource just the injection of pep that it needs. I will now spend some quality time with Harriet and make sure that she is thoroughly briefed on what lies ahead.
Daniel Westbrooke – 1/7/00, 4:42pm
to: Harriet Greenbaum
cc:
re: thin ice
I am impressed, Harriet. I must say that I admire your stealth. I would like to offer you a friendly word of advice, however. I did not rise to become Head of Creative Services of a top-20 agency by not knowing how to defend my interests. You are playing with the big boys now. Are you quite certain you are ready?
David Crutton – 1/7/00, 4:43pm
to: Daniel Westbrooke
cc:
re: responsibilities
Thank you so much for endorsing my actions. It feels reassuring to know that you are right behind me. In fact, as I write this, it strikes me that I have not once made a decision with which you did not totally and unreservedly agree. Quite remarkable.
Harriet Greenbaum – 1/7/00, 4:44pm
to: Daniel Westbrooke
cc:
re: thin ice
Thank you for the advice. Next week is looking difficult, so any tips on how to cope are useful. Have an excellent trip, Daniel.
Liam O’Keefe – 1/7/00, 4:45pm
to: Lorraine Pallister
cc:
re: Joy of Sex, pp 13, 48, 97, 122 . . .
I’m horny. What you doing tonight?
Simon Horne – 1/7/00, 4:47pm
to: Pinki Fallon
cc:
re: conduct unbecoming
Well thank you so, so much. After the way I overlooked your conniving behaviour with the Mako brief and gave you a second chance, this is how you repay me. Still, it is not the first time my good nature has been exploited and I do not suppose it will be the last.
Enjoy it for the short time it endures, Pinki. A week hence, I will be back. And, once again, you will be just a humble copywriter.
Si
Simon Horne – 1/7/00, 4:51 pm
to: David Crutton
cc:
re: hand over
I still believe that I could have acquitted myself as Creative Director from my “office away from the office” in Mauritius.
However, you have made your decision.
So be it.
Perhaps then Pinki and I should join you before the end of the day and we could brief her fully on what we require for “IT’S IN THE CAN.”
Si
Lorraine Pallister – 1/7/00, 4:52pm
to: Liam O’Keefe
cc:
re: Joy of Sex, pp 13, 48, 97, 122 . . .
Can’t tonight. Picking up Debbie then we’re going to do girly stuff – washing hair, swapping make-up tips and underwear, you know the kind of thing. Save yourself. Call me in the morning. Not early.
David Crutton – 1/7/00, 4:56pm
to: Simon Horne
cc:
re: hand over
That won’t be necessary. I have taken her through your work and she has a good grasp of it. In fact, she has a few thoughts on how to improve it. I suggest that you take yourself home and prepare for your well-earned rest.
Simon Horne – 1/7/00, 4:59pm
to: Susi Judge-Davis
cc:
re: analgesics
Migraine, migraine . . .
Liam O’Keefe – 1/7/00, 5:06pm
to: Katie Philpott
cc:
re: plans
Tonight?
Katie Philpott – 1/7/00, 5:12pm
to: Liam O’Keefe
cc:
re: plans
Phew, twice in one day!!! But can’t. I’m taking Mummy to Cats. It’s her Chrissy pressie so can’t let her down. Have a fab weekend. – Katie P.
Liam O’Keefe – 1/7/00, 5:17pm
to: Brett Topowlski
cc:
re: plans
What are you and Vin doing? Start off at BZ? Seen Horne in those ridiculous sunglasses? Claims they help his migraine. Sad fucker’s lost the plot. Thinks he’s a Back Street Boy.
Brett Topowlski – 1/7/00, 5:20pm
to: Liam O’Keefe
cc:
re: plans
Can’t do a session tonight. Got to go home and pack, find my passport and get a very early night because, as you may know, we’re flying to Mauritius, Playground of the Naked and the Dead Rich first thing tomorrow . . . oh fuck all that. We’re doing beers in Mel’s office in five. See you there and then we’ll move on. Fancy a club? And enough of Horne’s shades. I’ve got a whole week to enjoy those. I don’t need reminding.
Simon Horne – 1/7/00, 5:23pm
to: Brett Topowlski
Vince Douglas
cc:
re: be prepared
If you think that next week will involve lounging on a beach, your heads awash with onanistic fantasies, think again.
You will have a lot of work to do.
Vince, take markers and plenty of layout paper.
Brett, pack your laptop and make sure IT furnish you with a modem so you can e-mail the office.
I will not suffer the flaccid excuse that you cannot do your job because you are out of touch.
Simon Horne – 1/7/00, 5:29pm
to: Creative Department
cc:
re: in my absence . . .
I would not have left Pinki in charge if I did not have total respect for her judgement.
I expect you to show it, too.
And while I may be thousands of miles away, out of sight will not be out of mind.
I demand
to be kept abreast of every development. I will phone both Pinki and Susi on a daily basis for full reports on progress.
And progress is precisely what I require.
Problems, you can reach me at any time. Susi has my phone and fax numbers.
Then there is e-mail.
There is much to do, ladies and gentlemen. While the cat is away, the mice will work their little paws to the bone.
Si
Simon Horne – 1/7/00, 5:36pm
to: Melinda Sheridan
cc:
re: apologies
Melinda, I am afraid I will not be able to attend your little soirée.
I have too much to do to make certain this place doesn’t fall apart the second I step onto the plane.
I will see you at the airport.
Si
Simon Horne – 1/7/00, 5:42pm
to: Susi Judge-Davis
cc:
re: taxi!
You have been my guardian angel this week. Thank you, precious girl.
One more job before I bid adieu.
Two cabs please. One to take my bits and pieces home. The other to carry me to the Groucho. I am in dire need of a correctly served martini and some civilised company.
And call Celine to tell her I’ll be a little late – a meeting with David, you know the drill. Ask her to lay out my standard business trip requisites along with the leather suit bag and the smaller Mulberry case.
That is it, you are free of me. Try your best to relax next week.
Susi Judge-Davis – 1/7/00, 5:53pm
to: Simon Horne
cc:
re: taxi!
Cabs will be ten mins. Celine is briefed (I should warn you she sounded a tad frosty). And thank you, I’d love to relax next week, but I’ll be keeping my eye on this lot. I’d so hate them to let you down. I’ll miss you so . . . Sx
Sunday, January 9th
Nigel Godley – 1/9/00, 2:21 pm
to: All Departments
cc:
re: have a break!
At last, I’ve finally capped my Bic for the weekend. Now I’m going to put my feet up in the boardroom to watch the EastEnders omnibus. If you’re in today, I’ll see you there. – Nige
Monday, January 10th
brett_topowlski@millershanks-london.co.uk 1/10/00, 4:20am (8:20am local)